When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

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Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?

His answer: "My mom."

Why do the Irish always answer questions with another question?

He said, "do we now "

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Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

What did the depressed, illiterate pepperoni slice say when asked where he was with his life?

Well it pizza heck out of me.

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Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couplesfight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

How did Helen Keller lose her arm?

Trying to read the road signs!!!

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Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters?

She had never learned to spell properly.

Why did the composer spend all his time in bed?

He wrote sheet music.

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What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.