Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

because he can't aim steadily

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

You might also enjoy:

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What happens when you join two Koreans together?

Linkin Park.

Why did the book join the police?

He wanted to work undercover.

Refuse Jokes More Refuse Jokes

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

Why did the airport luggage checker refuse to date the depressed man?

he had to much baggage

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What's a dogs favourite day?

Chewsday

What is she?

Me: A dog. Duh. Neighbor...

Parkinson Jokes More Parkinson Jokes

How can you tell if someone with parkinsons has hypothermia?

You can't. That's what makes it so funny.

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?

Beef jerky

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

What does a lightbulb and a pregnant woman have in common?

Its easy to break the little light inside them.

Why would someone in jail want to catch the measles?

So he could break out.

Army Jokes More Army Jokes

Why did the carpenter join the army?

Because he wanted to be a Drill Sergeant

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

IN HIS SLEEVIES! Best used with little kids, or followed by maniacal laughter.

Chili Jokes More Chili Jokes

Why did the momma pepper tuck in her baby?

Because he was a little chili (Actually came up with this while making chili)

When I lose faith in humanity, I think of Chili's just handing out sick, light-up beepers, trusting us to return them. And know what?

We do.

Portrait Jokes More Portrait Jokes

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What's the difference between Jesus and his portrait ?

His portrait only need one nail