Shakespeare Jokes

What did Shakespeare spread on his toast?

Blue Sonnet

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How many monkeys does it take to write a Shakespeare novel by accident?

As many as it takes submitters to write an original joke. (by accident)

What do you call an alcoholic with Parkinson's?

Shakespeare (say it out loud)

What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play?

Hamlet.

Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

What is Shakespeare's favourite snack?

Hamlet du fromage

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

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Why is Shakespeare bad at hunting?

because he can't aim steadily

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

What does Shakespeare say when he is angry with his dog?

Out, out, damned Spot!

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?

Anne hath a way."

When you ask her "Have you ever read Shakespeare?

And she answers "No, who wrote it " .... Keep moving.

What did Shakespeare name his pet pig?

Hamlet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

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Spread Jokes More Spread Jokes

Have you heard the rumor going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

Why did the bed spread?

Because it saw the pillow slip.

Sport Jokes More Sport Jokes

Why are black people so good at sports?

Hard work and dedication.

What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?

If you break a leg, you get cast

William Shakespeare Jokes More William Shakespeare Jokes

What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

2p or not 2p, that is the question."

How does William Shakespeare make chili?

With beans? Or not with beans? That is the question.

Monkey Jokes More Monkey Jokes

Why was the monkey attracted to the paint?

Cuz it was yellow and appealing! Sorry if this is bad. Seen too many of the same jokes here and I wanted to add an original joke.

What would u do if u won the lotto?

10yo: Buy legos & a bigger house for u. 11yo: I'd buy a monkey. Going to be extra nice to my 10yo.

Propose Jokes More Propose Jokes

How do you propose to a stoner?

Marriage, you wanna

What did Shakespeare say when Mr. Big proposed to him?

Noth"

Big Jokes More Big Jokes

Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby?

Mr. Bigger's baby, because he's just a little Bigger.

Who's bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby daughter?

The baby, because she's a little bigger.

Nervous Javelin Thrower Jokes More Nervous Javelin Thrower Jokes

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?

Toucan

What do you call a philosopher that kind of wants to play soccer?

Socrates