Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Why doesn't democracy work in china?

Because no one wants to hold an erection.

What's the hurry?

Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What do you call a cat who's joined the Red Cross?

A: A first-aid kit!

What did "Nock" say to "K"?

You can join us, as long as you stay quiet.

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone?

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Where did the frog say his family came from?

They are German and a tad-Polish"

What do you call a family of Orthopaedic doctors ?

A Joint family.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Why doesn't Pac-Man use Twitter?

Because he doesn't like being followed.

What kind of rodent DDOS attacks Al Queda's Twitter account?

An anonimouse

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

What branch of the military did the hipster join?

The Salvation Army.

Why was the sapling such a horrible entrepreneur?

Because he couldn't branch out.

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

How does a boat captain determine his profit?

By using aquadratic equation. (Via my coworker)

How about an office party?

ME: crosses out "replace coworkers with puppies" I guess