Why did I join Twitter?

Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out.

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Want Jokes More Want Jokes

What do you call a grandpa who couldn't understand why his email wanted to upload his attachment to share it?

An old man yelling at the cloud

What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again?

Au nevoir.

Join Jokes More Join Jokes

What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy?

Slim to nun.

How do you get a Cambodian person to join you?

Just shout "Hey, Khmer!"

Hate Jokes More Hate Jokes

Why do SJWs hate Apple computers?

Because they're not PC

Why do feminists hate Apple?

Because they're not PC.

Family Jokes More Family Jokes

Why can't the Muslim crossdresser feed his family?

He lost hijab.

What is the difference between a call center job and a large pizza?

A large pizza can feed a family of four.

Twitter Jokes More Twitter Jokes

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

What do Twitter users and regular humans have in common?

Both start off as eggs.

Branch Jokes More Branch Jokes

Why do trees have so many friends?

They branch out

Why did the monkey trip over the branch?

Because the Chimp-Can't -See

Coworker Jokes More Coworker Jokes

Why are blondes bad a judging distance?

They have no idea what 12 inches actually looks like. I for some reason could not find a way to phrase this any better. Credit to my coworker.

Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting & I just let her StP: Get in here