Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

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What do you call a guy who likes Adobe and little boys?

a PDFile

Why were a bunch of realist artists offended at a Matisse gallery opening?

They didn't like the public displays of abstraction.

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What happens when doughnuts join a sorority?

They have to go through the glazing. I'm sorry I'm a baker it just came to me... Pun-ishment is in order.

What did Arnold Schwarzenegger say to the gym manager when he was joining a new gym?

I'll re-rack.

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Where does a shoulder work?

In the army.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

The Army.

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Why did Shakespeare refuse to join the army?

He didn't like the phrase fire at will!

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

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Why did the lawyer refuse to take payment when defending the lead singer of U2?

Because he said he was pro Bono.

Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?

Because they keep stepping on the string.