Why did the alcoholic quit his acting career when the audience jeered at him?

He couldn't handle his boos.

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Quit Jokes More Quit Jokes

Why did the cross eyed teacher quit her job?

Because she couldn't control her pupils.

Why did I quit my job in Mexico?

It didn't peso well.

Boo Jokes More Boo Jokes

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go?

The ICU.

How do you help a sick ghost feel better?

Give it a BOO-quet of flowers!

Handle Jokes More Handle Jokes

Why was the surfer such a bad cook?

All he could handle was the microwave

Why was Pinocchio acting drunk?

He couldn't handle his lacquer

Alcoholic Jokes More Alcoholic Jokes

How are an alcoholic and necrophiliac similar?

Both enjoy cracking open a cold one.

Where do alcoholics get their breakfast pastries?

Drunken Donuts

Audience Jokes More Audience Jokes

What's the difference between a political speech and a stand-up comic show?

They both tell the audience what they are glad to hear. But at the end, the audience laughs at the comic, and the politician laughs at the audience.

How did you travel such a distance so fast?

I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.