What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an atheist, an insomniac?

A person that lays awake late at night and ponders if there's such a thing as a dog.

What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

Damn Jokes More Damn Jokes

What did Einstein's dad say when he published his theory of relativity?

Damn, son. It's about time!

What did the beaver say when he fell in water?

Dam it.

Mess Jokes More Mess Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen?

Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops.

Carpet Jokes More Carpet Jokes

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

Shakespeare Jokes More Shakespeare Jokes

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare.

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare