Mess Jokes

What does Reddit share in common with the real world?

A messed up system of karma

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Why don't rabbits like beer?

Because it messes with their hops

Why did God give women legs?

Because he saw the mess that snails left behind!

What does the lord say when the intern messes up?

God demi

What happens when you throw a hand grenade into a kitchen?

Well, the mess is the same but the annoying jabbering stops.

Why doesn't Jesus enjoy manicures or pedicures?

Because they always try to mess with his nails.

What did the messed up psychologist have for dinner?

Freud rice.

What do you call a lawyer up to his neck in cement?

Not enough cement EDIT: Okay thanks for pointing out that I messed up the wording but the joke is supposed to be the funny part

What do funeral home staff do if they mess up transporting a body?

They go back and re-herse.

What's the difference between toilet paper and shower curtains?

If you answered "I don't know." I would like to tell you that I spent all day cleaning that mess up.

Who's there ! Answer ! Answer who ?

Answer all over your porch ! It's a mess out here !

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Why is it called a "litter" of puppies ?

Because they mess up the whole house !

How do you mess with a blind person?

Leave the plunger in the toilet.

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

What did the tree say when it messed up?

A: It was an oakcident.

What do you call a blind, legless buck?

No eye-deer. EDIT: I totally messed this joke up. Please give me another chance with another joke

What's the most messed up trap for Santa?

A Nicolas Cage.

How many times I have to tell you to stop making such a mess?

Go to your room.."

Who Wants to be a Millionaire messes up while reading the question?

A Regis Error.

Why did the pig join the Army?

He heard the food was a mess.

Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?

First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare

Why you never mess with imported ants?

Because they are **important**.

Why is Bruce Wayne's hair messed up?

Because of his cowlick.

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Desert Jokes More Desert Jokes

What do you call the mean and dusty winds of the desert?

Darude Sandstorm

What did Santa say when he had to travel through the desert?

My chestnuts are roasting"

Lord Jokes More Lord Jokes

What's white and sticky?

What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds . The second coming of the Lord

What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings?

Legolas

Manicure Jokes More Manicure Jokes

What's the same about nail care and black people?

They're both manicures

What song does Freddy Krueger listen to when he gets a manicure?

I got Kniiiiiives on it! that inspired the joke.

Enjoy Jokes More Enjoy Jokes

Why does an actor enjoy his work so much?

Because it's all play.

What do you call a person who enjoy mondays?

Unemployed

Edit Jokes More Edit Jokes

What kind of amphibian is hired to take your car away?

Toad. Thanks, HammerElectionBeans for the edit.

How does Walter Palmer like his eggs?

Poached. Thank you, I'm here all week. EDIT: this got no upvotes and I don't think it deserved any

Lawyer Jokes More Lawyer Jokes

What's common between a lawyer and an eccentric billionaire with bad teeth?

Both have a very expensive retainer.

Why is it dangerous for a lawyer to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?

Because they might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

Why don't jokes in base 8 work?

Because 7 10 11

What did the ant whisper into the elephant's ear that made the elephant faint?

I'm going to be the mother of your children." I have no idea whether the joke is lost in translation...

Nail Jokes More Nail Jokes

How do we know Jesus wasn't good with the ladies?

He only got nailed once

What do jesus and girls have in common?

The expression on their faces when they got nailed.