Carpet Jokes

Where does the Persian air force keep its aircraft?

The Carpet store

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What is a snowman's favorite kind of carpet?

BRRR BRRR

What did the carpet enthusiast say to his mistress?

I haven't had hard wood in 15 years.

What's the difference between Java and JavaScript?

Java and JavaScript are similar in the same way car and carpet are.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

What do you call it when a dog craps on your rug?

Carpet bombing.

What type of carpet do you put in an igloo?

Burr-burr

What do you call a skinned, animal-throwrug for your vehicle?

A carpet.

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.

What do Mexicans put under their carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

Why does carpet never make a sound?

It's the world's quietest pervert.

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What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What STD is found most commonly among lesbians?

Carpet burn

What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?

A: A carpet.

What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What did Shakespeare say when his dog messed up the carpet?

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!"*

How did Aladdin die?

Carpet bombing.

What do Mexican's put under their carpet?

Underlay

What did the carpet say to the floor?

Don't move -- I've got you covered.

Why did the moth nibble a hole in the carpet ?

He wanted to see the floor show !

Why do carpets in white folk houses always need vacuuming?

Crackers always leave crumbs.

Why did the guy cut a hole in his carpet?

He wanted to watch the floor show. And why did he cover it back up ...He realized that he didn't want to watch the "hole" show.

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together ?

Carpet !

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Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between a lobster and a Japanese woman run over by a steamroller?

One's a crustacean and the other is a crushed Asian.

What is the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman?

Ironman is a superhero, Ironwoman is a command.

Underlay Jokes More Underlay Jokes

What did the Mexican carpeting salesman yell to promote his business?

Underlay! Underlay!

What does Speedy Gonzalez keep under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

Java Jokes More Java Jokes

Why do Java programmers wear glasses?

Because they don't C#.

Why do C# and Java developers keep breaking their keyboards?

Because they use a strongly typed language.

Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head?

The tomato was in a can.

Why do dogs bury bones in the ground ?

Because you can't bury them in trees !

Rest Jokes More Rest Jokes

Why do only 20 percent of blonde chicks lay Easter eggs?

The rest are hunting peckers.

Which actor is resting in pieces?

Alan RIPman

Skin Jokes More Skin Jokes

Why does Hannibal Lecter skin his colleagues?

He enjoys the taste of Doctors Without Borders.

Which shampoo is that?

My Boss: This is inappropriate Me: Your skin is so... My Boss:*Turns off shower* OUT!

Alcohol Jokes More Alcohol Jokes

Why can't I get it up?

Okay, sometimes alcohol is the answer.

What do a marriage and superglue have in common?

They both form a bond in seconds, last (ideally) forever, and are dissolved by alcohol.

Pixar Jokes More Pixar Jokes

What's your favourite Pixar film?

Up, yours " "No need to be like that I was only asking"

What do you call a Pixar film about Carpets?

A Rug's Life.