Which kid is mine?

I like to reply "I haven't decided yet."

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When are YOU going to start having kids?

Me: When are you going to stop

Howard was a kid with a paper route?

Probably not. Opie delivered.

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Why did Frosty drop his pants?

Because he's a pervert that likes showing people his snowballs.

What do you call a monk that likes vaporwave?

A S C E T I C

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When Bruce decides to do stand-up, what will his stage-name be?

Penny Bruce

Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname?

Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks.

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What blod type are you?

I replied "Typo".

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.