Which kid is mine?

I like to reply "I haven't decided yet."

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Whats camp for kids with ADD called?

Concentration camp.

What did the kid with cancer get for Christmas?

Nothing, he didn't make it that far.

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Where do cows like to live?

St. Moo-is.

Why does flint never get any likes on their Instagram pictures?

Cause they don't use a filter.

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How are the band "The Scorpions" and rural shepherds alike?

They just wanna be loved by ewe. Made up this joke/pun at work the other day (I'm sure I'm not the first), decided to subject you all to it. All apologies to shepherds who are not physical with your sheep.

Why did the acronym buff decide to go join the etymologists instead?

He heard they had PIE.

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Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

Why the long pause?

asks the bartender. The bear replies "Well, I am a bear"