Who are you and how do you get the time and money?

Teach me.

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Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

How do you make the hippie run out of money?

You hide daddies credit card under a bar of soap.

Why won't a black man go see a 3d movie?

He'd rather spend his money on a forty

Teach Jokes More Teach Jokes

How do you teach your dog to roll over ?

Put him on fire.

What did Kurtis Blow tell his son when teaching him how to drive?

THESE are the brakes!