Who's to say tomorrow won't be the best day of your life?

A statistician.

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Life Jokes More Life Jokes

Where have you been my whole life?

I said "SOBER"

How many "All Lives Matter" protesters does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they keep on asking why all of the other light bulbs in the house aren't being changed at the same time.

Tomorrow Jokes More Tomorrow Jokes

What did the magician say when he made his rabbit disappear?

Hare today gone tomorrow.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Me: It'll be higher quality and less tense for everyone if we wait Boss: Today!

Good Day Jokes More Good Day Jokes

How does a neckbeard greet a tree?

Good day, m'hogany'

Why is Valentine's Day the best day for a celebration?

Because you can really party hearty!

Statistician Jokes More Statistician Jokes

What do you call it when a statistician secretly gives out clothes?

Discreet uniform distribution

Why do tailors hate statisticians?

They insist that the fit could be better.