Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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What do you call an Eastern European cashier?

A Checkoutslovakian. (Better said than read)

How about a dirty one as well?

Want to hear a clean joke? Bob took a bath. With Bubbles. Want to hear a dirty joke? (Punchline hidden so you don't accidentally read)

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Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

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How is November's election like the Alien vs Predator movie?

Whoever wins...we lose.

How many absurdist/surrealist comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

November.