Sean Connery Jokes

What is Sean Connery's favorite sport, and around what age did he start playing?

Tennish

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Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Ten-ish.

How does Sean Connery shave?

Ctrl+esh

When did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

When does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish.

What did Sean Connery say to a couple of lobsters he saw take up an extra parking space?

You're two shellfish."

What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

Where does Sean Connery sit?

In the toilet.

Why was Sean Connery accused of piracy while drinking tea?

He took a ship.

Why can't Sean Connery read November?

Because he hasn't Read October.

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What does Sean Connery do with his quiche?

He opensh hish doorsh with them.

What time does Sean Connery show up at Wimbledon every year?

About tennish.

What does a lonely Sean Connery building IKEA products say?

I guess its jusht me, myshelf, and I tonight.

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon at?

Tennish.

What time does Sean Connery show up to wimbledon?

Tennish

What beer does Sean Connery drink?

Grols

How do you prepare corn like Sean Connery?

Shuck it long, and shuck it hard.

What's Sean Connery's favorite sport and when does he play it?

Tennish

When does Sean Connery like to show up at Wimbeldon?

Tennish.

What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster?

Shellfish.

How does Sean Connery's dog bark?

Woofsh

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

What time did Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Around Ten-ish.

Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

What's the only type of seafood that Sean Connery won't share?

Shelfish

What does Sean Connery surf on the Internet?

Reddish.

How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings?

His shavings account.

Why did everyone bring a quiche to Sean Connery's party?

It was leave your keys at the door.

What time does Sean Connery get to the US Open?

Ten-ish

Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

Why isn't Sean Connery an unmarried roofer?

He's not a fan of the shingle life.

How does Sean Connery ask for Worchestershire sauce?

x-post from askreddit) Worsheshershershosh.

What time does Sean Connery leave to go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

What does Sean Connery's nemesis and the crater of a volcano have in common?

They're both ash-holes.

What is Sean Connery's favorite dish?

A seizure salad.

What did Sean Connery say when he noticed that there wasn't any electricity in the Pennsylvania countryside?

Shomething'sh Amish..."

What time does Sean Connery attend the Wimbeldon?

tenish.

When does Sean Connery enjoy playing his favorite sport?

Ten-ish.

What did Sean Connery say when his books fell on his head?

I blame my shelf

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

What did Sean Connery say when a book from his cupboard fell on him?

I can only blame my shelf. Shout out to /r/shubreddit

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

How Does Sean Connery Wash His Dishes?

Like a Bosch!

What time does Sean Connery go to the US Open?

Tennish

What times does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

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Using saxitoxin.

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A crab apple !

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He/she's not sitting or standing!

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Try to get her off!

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Why was Wycleff Jean on L&O this week?

He only promised to be gone until November

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Whoever wins...we lose.

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When the cat's away.....?

The house smells better !

How do we know cats are communists?

All they ever say is Mao.

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What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

When one gun says to the other, "Damn dude, those are some nice bullets, where'd you get them?

the second gun says, "In some old magazine I found."

Why are there no hand paintings from the old west?

Because they could only draw guns.

Wimbledon Jokes More Wimbledon Jokes

When did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Why don't you ever see Michael Jordan at Wimbledon?

Only whites allowed

Course Jokes More Course Jokes

What do you get when you cross a Fire Chief two Lotus Notes Gurus ?

A. FireWeb .... of course!

What is the volume of pizza?

Pizza of course! If z = radius of the pizza and a = the height then * radius2 * height = Pi * z * z * a = Pizza.