Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

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What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long has a head on it and that women love so much that they often blow it?

A: a $20 bill

What do you do on a remote island?

Try and find the TV island it belongs to.

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What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

Tennish

Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

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Where do literal dogs live?

On the roof.

How many black people does it take to shingle a roof?

One....but you gotta slice him reeeeeaaaalllllll thinnnnnnnnnnnnn.....

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Why did the man get dumber after he fixed the potholes in the road?

Because he re-tarred it.

What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn?

Beep repaired...