Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Are you sure it's mine "

Why was the lobster upset?

Because he found out his friends thought he was a little crabby!

Library Card Jokes More Library Card Jokes

Why can't accountants get library cards?

They're book-keepers.

Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?

To carry his library card.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?

To carry his library card.

Librarian Jokes More Librarian Jokes

Why do you want to be a librarian?

Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."

Why are librarians so lonely?

They're always by them shelves Just wanted to see if that library joke checked out Sorry for all the library jokes, I'll put them on hold

Joke Jokes More Joke Jokes

What is the penalty for telling a bad joke?

The joke is it's own pun-ishment.

What's the most important part about telling a joke?

Your PUN-unciation

Hold Jokes More Hold Jokes

How does a French lady hold her liquor?

By the ears

How do you hold a pirate rabbit?

With its buccaneers!

Story Jokes More Story Jokes

What kind of story does a rabbit tell?

A fluffy tale.

Why don't dyslexics like the story of King Arthur?

They think it's about the romance and majesty of Camelto.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

What did the squirrel say when it saw the acorn tree cut down and taken away?

Thats nuts

How do Mexicans cut pizza?

Little Caesars (say it out loud)