Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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What's the best language for jokes?

Punjabi.

How do you sink a norwegian submarine?

Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)

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Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

Why did the librarian slip and fall on the library floor?

A: Because she was in the non-friction section.

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What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and use lubricant.

How do you stop your children from smoking?

Slow down and use some lubricant.

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What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper bag?

One is made of plastic and is very dangerous for little kids to play with. The other carries groceries.

Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets?

Q: Why do little girls carry goldfish in their pockets? A: To smell like big girls.

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What gun does Jesus hate the most?

The nail gun. So sorry if this offends you Credit to the podcast

What, over in 6 seconds?

No, with 8 black men and a gun."

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What do you call it when alpacas with speech impediments take over Earth?

The Alpacalisp.

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What do you call a book filled with outlines of Star Wars characters?

A Kylo Ren Book

What do you call a book case hogging all the books?

Shelf-ish