Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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What is a better name for cows?

Lawn mooers! My 12 year old sister made this up... She out dad joked me..and I'm a dad!

Why did the cookie not laugh at your joke?

Because it was crumby.

Cut Jokes More Cut Jokes

How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans?

You cut *Juan* out.

What do dwarves use to cut their pizza?

Little Caesars

Lubricant Jokes More Lubricant Jokes

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What do lesbians use for lubricant?

Tartar sauce!

Ban Jokes More Ban Jokes

Why was the redditor banned?

Voat manipulation.

Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers?

They cause too much brain damage.

Library Card Jokes More Library Card Jokes

Why can't accountants get library cards?

They're book-keepers.

Why does a dinosaur have cracks between his toes?

To carry his library card.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

What do you call a guy with a toe growing out of his knee?

Tony.

What did the college junior say just before her toe was cut off?

NO PLEASE DON'T CUT OFF MY TOE!

Tall Building Jokes More Tall Building Jokes

What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Why do Apes like tall buildings?

They want to climb the heights of the business world!

Library Book Jokes More Library Book Jokes

Why did the library book go to the doctor?

It needed to be checked out it had a bloated appendix.

Why did Snoo not check out a library book?

Because he had already Reddit.