Library Jokes

Where does Sean Connery keep his guns?

In the library of course. They're for shelf-defense.

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What's the tallest building in your city?

The library, because it has the most stories.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

What's the tallest building in the world?

A library, because there are so many stories. (Did Not Make Up this Joke)

Why did the clock get banned from the library?

It tocked too much

What is the tallest building in the entire world?

Q: What is the tallest building in the entire world? A: The library, because it has so many stories.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

What do you call a dog in the library?

A hush puppy.

What's the most dishonest place on earth?

The Library

How much for a happy ending?

Sir, this is a library!" *whispers* sorry, how much for a happy ending

Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson?

The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library.

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What do you call a hundred year old man who dies in the library?

Overdue

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

Where do you find the Bible in a library?

Fiction".

What aisle has the milk?

Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk "

What's the tallest building?

A library, because it has so many stories.

How many nuns were at the library?

Absolutely nun

What did the cannibal wipe with . . . . . . after he ate some people at the library?

Pages from *Reader's Digest*

I couldn't get a reservation at the library...

They were fully booked.

What is the tallest building in the world?

The library, it’s got the most stories!

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What has 32 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

How do French girls hold their liquor?

By the ears

Ban Jokes More Ban Jokes

Why do rabbits always get banned from CS:GO?

Because they're always bunny-hopping.

What happens when you are banned on a muslim server?

you are turbanned

Librarian Jokes More Librarian Jokes

What were the political views of the librarian?

She wanted open borders.

Why do you want to be a librarian?

Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."

Build Jokes More Build Jokes

Why are you putting handcuffs on that building?

Officer: I'm making a house arrest

Why don't mathematicians build bridges?

Because they'll never be perfect.

Toe Jokes More Toe Jokes

Who has to always be on there toes?

A midget at a urinal.

What do you call a man with a toe on his knee?

Tony

Definition Jokes More Definition Jokes

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after him.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.

Gun Jokes More Gun Jokes

How do you tell if someone online is American?

They keep their caps locked and guns loaded. (Not the best and not original)

How many members of the NRA does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

More guns.

Carry Jokes More Carry Jokes

What happened when a ship carrying red paint collided with a shipcarrying blue paint?

Both crews were marooned.

Why should a good driver always carry weed in his car?

So he always hits the green when he's driving.