Where does Sean Connery put his beard clippings?

His shavings account.

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Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children?

He prefers them shaken, not stirred.

How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

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Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard?

Because he's no good at shaving.

Why do Italians wear gold chains?

So they know where to stop shaving.

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How can you tell vampirism is a disease?

On account of the coffin.

What bleeds once a month in the mouth?

Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that