Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.

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Why do white people own so many pets?

Because we're not allowed to own people anymore.

Why does Brendon Rodgers hate Twitter?

It only allows 140 characters

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How did Helen Keller lose her arm?

Trying to read the road signs!!!

What happens when you take the tea away from your guest?

He's left there trying to "guess" what happened.

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Which is the best kind of dinosaur to play hide & seek with?

An I-Don't-Think- He-Saurus

What kind of musical instrument do mice play ?

A mouse organ !

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How do you shave your balls?

After thinking for a few moments I say "Carefully"

What did the sheep use to shave before his wedding?

Elopping shears

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What does Sean Connery call a greedy oyster?

Shellfish.

Why does Sean Connery hog all of the oysters at a seafood dinner?

Because it's shellfish.

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Why couldn't Mario ever watch Netflix with Peach?

Because the princess was always on another Castle.

What do you call a person whose wife was the Queen, daughter is a Princess and his boss is the Emperor, but he himself is no royal?

Darth Vader.

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What's the difference between a cow and Super Mario Bros?

A cow can't be milked for over 30 years

Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?

He kept trying to shave the princess.