What happened when Sean Connery bought himself a little kitten?

The cat shat on the mat.

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What happens when a high school calls in a replacement teacher for a subject they know nothing about?

Ooops... wrong sub.

What happens if I throw up in the red shoe bin by the door?

Me: Why is your question alarmingly specific 4: No reason.

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What do you call a cat who uses fake finger prints?

an im-paw-ster.

What do cats listen to during their free time?

they listen to podcats.

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Why do they call it Almond Milk?

Because if they called it Nut Juice nobody would buy it.

Why did the cowboy buy a wiener dog?

So he could "get a long little doggy".

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What beer does Sean Connery drink?

Grols

When did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish.