Why did the mechanic go to art school?

Because he wanted to learn how to make a van go!

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How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

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Why don't women need to go to college?

Because it doesn't take four years to learn how to make a sandwich.

Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ?

Because she'd never be able to learn the language

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How can you tell a mechanic has gotten lucky?

He's got one clean finger!

What does a mechanic do for a one night stand?

He nuts and bolts.