Why do we never take the time to thank mislabeled concrete?

It's mistaken for granite.

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

How did your first day as a lifeguard go?

Me: "Amazingly well, thanks. Everyone was so friendly and waving at me."

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

When is the only time a woman says something smart?

When her sentence starts with "A wise man once said"

What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic spend most of his time doing?

Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

Granite Jokes More Granite Jokes

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad?

Everyone takes him for granite.

Why was the slab of marble upset?

He was tired of everyone mistaking him for granite."