How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

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Know Jokes More Know Jokes

What do you get when you combine a black guy and an octopus?

nobody knows actually but it will be perfect for picking cotton.

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Fan Jokes More Fan Jokes

Why is Karl Marx a fan of the Galactic Empire?

He was born ina 1818.

Why did the tree have lots of fans?

Because he was Poplar!

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How can you tell elephants love to travel ?

They are always packing their trunk !

What did off-center say to tilted?

I don't know either he told me to askew!"

Mom Jokes More Mom Jokes

What's the difference between your mom and my computer?

I can still turn your mom on.

Why do Mexican students act like they own the school?

Because there mom cleans it and there dad fixed the roof

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What do you call a symphony where everyone plays at the same time instead of taking turns?

An chestra.

What time of day was Adam born?

Just a little before Eve

Need Jokes More Need Jokes

Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?

Because he was scared of a Lil' Wayne.

What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets?

The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off.

Thought Jokes More Thought Jokes

What are your thoughts on new soup technology?

I say Progresso at any cost.

What's the difference between North Korea amd South Korea?

North Koreans have no Seoul. Thought of this very early in the morning waiting to board a plane.

Garbage Jokes More Garbage Jokes

Where do trailer park miscarriages go?

Out of the trash and into the garbage

What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

Garbage gets thrown out.

Thousand Jokes More Thousand Jokes

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?

Pete.

How do you say goodbye to a thousand Japanese people?

A big wave