Why does the universe expand?

All the Milky Ways. You get it.

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How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold it in place, another to rotate the universe around it.

Which place has the strongest gravity in the whole universe?

Bed

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Why is the universe expanding?

It needs more space.

How many "a man walks into a bar" jokes does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but you can be sure a whole Reddit community will appear to expand the joke, make it funnier and eventually run it into the ground.

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How do Canadians say Milky Way?

Milky Eh.... Get it?

Why couldn't the boy look at the Milky Way?

He was galactose intolerant.