Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

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What do you call a lesbian that you can't understand?

A mad lib...

Why would somebody punch a sheep?

Ewe wouldn't understand.

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What do you call someone who takes things literally?

A kleptomaniac!

Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors?

Because they take everything, literally.

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When is a 2 literally a 6?

When it has metaphor.

Why is it so hard to explain metaphors to a kleptomaniac?

Because they always take things... Literally