Why is Stephen Hawking successful?

He can't run away from his responsibilities.

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What is Stephen Hawking's favorite snack?

His left shoulder

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?

Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.

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What do Romans say when their wives run away?

Caesar!

What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?

A virgin

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What has hands but can't clap?

Stephen Hawking

What will ESPN talk about if both the Hawks and Rockets make it to the NBA final?

The NHL playoffs