Why was the dietician kicked out of the casino?

He was caught counting carbs.

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Catch Jokes More Catch Jokes

Where are people in Dallas staying to avoid getting Ebola?

The Cowboys Stadium. Because they can't catch anything there.

What do you call two Mormons caught in the rain?

Washing your whites on a rinsed cycle.

Count Jokes More Count Jokes

How can you tell what rank a Russian soldier is?

Count the stripes on his track pants.

What do Dracula's girlfriend and Mike Tyson have in common?

They both go down for the count!!

Casino Jokes More Casino Jokes

What'd you do this weekend?

I was shooting craps. "Oh you went to a casino " *flashback to blasting dog turds with shotgun* Um, yeah.

Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino?

Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL

Kick Jokes More Kick Jokes

Why did the duck get kicked out of church?

Because he was using fowl language!

How do you get a polar bear in the water?

First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!