Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain?

Because they don't deliver.

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Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman?

He never delivered.

Why is Rengar so OP?

Because E: Bola Strike.

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What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message !

What is a long, tiresome speech delivered by a frothy pie topping?

Meringue-harangue