Deliver Jokes

What is the most essential part of any joke?

The way that the punchline of the joke is delivered.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why was Mark Fuch a terrible mailman?

He keeps delivering to the wrong fuching address!

What did the doctor say when he delivered a blonde-haired baby to an expecting Chinese couple?

Two Wongs don't make a white

What do you call a person who delivers horribly?

A re-postman. Or a re-post person if you feel triggered.

What did one ovary say to the other one?

What did one ovary say to the other one? "Did you order any furniture?" "No. Why?" asked the other. "Cause there's two nuts out there trying to deliver an organ."

Why was Marc Antony still interested in Cleopatra even when she's just had a baby?

Because it was delivered via Ceasarion section

Why do they call Hannibal Lecter The Mail Man?

He always delivers.

Which famous pop duo were the best at delivering cereal?

Haulin' Oates

What's the best thing to say if a pizzaman does an AMA?

OP delivers.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

sleigh-er

Howard was a kid with a paper route?

Probably not. Opie delivered.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What was the last food delivered to the Twin Towers?

Pizza. Someone ordered two large planes.

How do blind doctors deliver babies?

With a can't c-section.

Why is a reflection always twice as good as the real thing?

i actually don't know where to post this idea, true jokes maybe?... There has to be a food for thought sub. This is your OP, I promise to deliver!

Why did it take so long for the postie to deliver the missing jigsaw piece?

He had a bit of a puzzle in his hands

Why does OP never deliver?

removed

What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

Two large plains.

Why are people always having their pizzas delivered?

Just order them without liver."

What is a long, tiresome speech delivered by a frothy pie topping?

Meringue-harangue

What will Tesla build this christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How many calls do I get?

cop: one me: What do you think is more likely a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel

Who is a Project Manager?

Project Manager is a person who believes that 9 women can deliver a baby in one month.

Why did Opey get fired from his job as a pizza delivery boy?

Because Opey never delivered.

Why do abortion clinics make bad OP's?

because they don't deliver...

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between OP and a Pregnant woman?

She delivers.

Why don't the post office get the Jehovah's Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday?

Work smarter not harder people.

What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?

A: They stop delivering.

What does a Obstetrician and a well written joke have in common?

They deliver

What is it called when brown envelopes aren't delivered as quickly as white ones?

White Mail Privilege

How are the Oakland Raiders like the mailman?

Neither one delivers on Sunday!

What were the last two pizzas delivered to the world trade centers?

Two large planes

Why did OP get fired from his job as a mailman?

He never delivered.

What do you call a Jedi knight who delivers babies?

Obi-Gyn Kenobi.

What name does Jesus use when delivering pizzas?

Chjesus Chrust *Thanks I will show myself out*

What do you get if you cross a woodpecker with a carrier pigeon ?

A bird who knocks before delivering its message !

What do the dolphins and the post office have in common?

Neither deliver on Sundays.

What happens when a pizzaman does an AMA on Reddit?

OP delivers.

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What do you call someone that delivers baby horses?

An Equinecologist.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?

Santa Jaws !

Why would OP make a terrible pizza chain?

Because they don't deliver.

Who delivers pizza in the hood?

Popo John's

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

How did the stem cell break it to his girl?

It's not you it's me*iosis* Could probably do with some work on deliver as I made it 5 minutes ago

Which former pop star would be most likely to help deliver a baby?

Paula Ab-doula

What do the post office and the San Francisco 49ers have in common?

They don't deliver on Sunday

Where does monty python buy his water?

From the knights Da-sa(y)-NI! This joke is best delivered verbally.

Why do woman make terrible truck drivers?

Because you give them one good load and it takes them nine months to deliver.

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Organ Jokes More Organ Jokes

What's better than four roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

What did Johann Sebastian Bach do when someone steam-rolled his organ?

He played a flat baroque piece!

Furniture Jokes More Furniture Jokes

What is the point of owning a fish?

They are just furniture with the ability to die.

What piece of furniture can you always trust?

A Reputable.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What was the first treacherous thing said?

Adam you gotta try this!

What do you say when you are trying to scare your girlfriend?

Boo bae! (Read aloud please)

Trigger Jokes More Trigger Jokes

How do your trigger a SJW?

Oops.

Whats the most important aspect of gun safety to practice around a feminist?

Trigger discipline

Nut Jokes More Nut Jokes

Where does Santa keep his nuts?

In his nutsack...

How do you make Manischewitz Wine?

Kick him in the nuts.

Food Jokes More Food Jokes

What's the similarity between a burned pizza and parents?

If it's black it won't give you any food

What did Shrek say when the waiter dropped off his food at the German Restaurant?

Donkey!" (Danke) You gotta say it with the shrek accent to work.

Order Jokes More Order Jokes

Why should you never order the eggs while in France?

Because they are always uf.

How fast can you order a pizza?

HER: I don't- ME: *hits buzzer* NEXT

Marc Antony Jokes More Marc Antony Jokes

What do you get when you cross Cleopatra with Marc Antony?

Pharaoh-moans.

Why was Marc Antony still interested in Cleopatra even when she's just had a baby?

Because it was delivered via Ceasarion section