How does a mathematician get to work?

He derives!

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What do you call a fish with three eyes?

fiiish. (works when spoken :-/)

What do you call a reptile that works as a detective?

An investigator.

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Why are so many Mathematicians vegetarians?

Cos Lettuce

Why do mathematicians hate the U.S.?

Because it's indivisible.

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Why did the calculus students get arrested?

For drinking and deriving.

Why wouldn't you hire bears from Australia?

Because they don't have the necessary koalafications. (Derived from: )