How old?

Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time " Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What did the doctor say to the speeding commuter?

Thank you for your patients.

What do you get when you cross a muppet with the Loch Ness monster?

Messie Thank you and goodnight.

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What did the Ocean say to the Beach?

Nothing, it just waved... Prolly my favorite joke of all time, maybe ever.

When the hell did you grow a beard?

Me: This morning. On the way here. Just felt like it was time.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

Why did cavemen drag their women around by the hair?

Because if they dragged them by the ankles, they'd fill up with muck.

Why did cavemen... drag their women by the hair?

So they wouldn't fill up with gravel.

Midnight Jokes More Midnight Jokes

How does a blonde set the time on her alarm clock?

She waits until midnight and plugs it back in. Disclaimer: I know it's terrible, I was very young when I came up with it.

How do you know when it's midnight at Neverland Ranch?

The big hand touches the little hand.