How old?

Woman: "Thanks, she's 34 weeks. Do you have the time " Me: "Sure, it's 972 minutes past midnight."

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Thank Jokes More Thank Jokes

What's the difference between the armed forces and Comcast?

Nobody ever says "Thank you for your service" to the latter.

What did the pirate say after his successful pillage?

Thanks for the gold kind stranger!

Time Jokes More Time Jokes

What does a burnt pizza and a pregnant girl have in common?

Someone that didn't take it out in time.

What time is our movie tonight?

Me: 7:30. It's 2 hours 50 minutes Hub: WHAT! I CANT STAY UP TILL 10:30 "Back off ladies. He's mine"

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What involves a man and two women, and doesn't even last a minute?

A Ronda Rousey fight.

Why is it so expensive to divorce a woman here in California?

Because it's worth it.

Midnight Jokes More Midnight Jokes

How do you know it's midnight at the Neverland Ranch?

The big hand's touching the little hand.

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast