What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

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What do you call a blind, mentally handicapped, quadriplegic?

You can call him whatever you want it's not like he's going to get up and do anything about it.

Why did the pharaoh retire?

Because he did not want to be part of a pyramid scheme

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What do you call 55 men watching the superbowl?

A: Pittsburg Steelers

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

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What do ghosts drink?

BOOOOOZE

What do you get when a ghost takes a crap?

Rectoplasm.

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Where do French lawyers like to relax?

The J'accusi

What's my type?

Someone who is supportive. Someone who is warm. Someone I can just curl up and relax with. Wait I'm describing my bed again.