What do you call a guy who likes touching unripened cheese?

A fetaphile

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What did the guy who liked mustard say when he opened his fridge and saw no mustard?

You mustard be joking!

Why do buzzards prefer to fly?

Because they really like their carry-on..... yeah total dad joke, i know.

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What did the Machop say to the guy who was giving him a hard time?

You're really bustin' Machops!

How do you stop a Polish tank?

Shoot the guy that's pushing it

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Why the turnout at Michael Jackson's funeral?

He touched a lot of people.

What time is bedtime at Neverland Ranch?

A: When the big hand touches the little hand.