What do you call a politician in a house fire?

Burning Sanders!

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What did the beaver say when his house burned down?

Damn

How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?

He ate the pizza before it was cool.

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What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawkings after a house fire.

What's black and sits on top of a staircase?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

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Why are politicians buried 6 feet under?

Because deep down, they're good people.

What do politicians and sperm have in common?

About 1 in every 600 million has a chance of becoming a human.