What do you do for a pig with sore muscles?

Rub him with oinkment.

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Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A: They don't have balls to scratch.

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

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What does a pig put on it's nose for a sunburn?

Oinkment!

How does a pig write home?

With a pig pen.

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How did they cure the swine flu?

With oinkment.

What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu?

For swine flu you need "Oinkment", for bird flu you need "Tweetment".