What does a dirty hippie say after you ask him to get off your couch?

Namaste

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Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?

I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup " So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich?

Here's what she said to me: GO TO SLEEP.

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What is the difference between a black guy and a couch?

One can actually support a family.

What do you call a couch stuffed with chic peas?

a hummus-sectional ba dum tish! I know that was bad. Please blame my boyfriend, he thought of it.

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What does the hippy say when you try to kick them off your couch?

Namaste.

What did the hippy say when he was told to get off the couch and get a job?

Namaste (pronounced:nah I'ma stay)