What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

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How long have you had this problem?

the doctor asked. "Lest's see" said the patient "Mom had the litter in '41

What did the atheist fisherman say when asked about his catch?

There is no cod

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What is the difference between a drunk driver and a high driver?

The drunk driver will blow through a stop sign without even knowing it was there.. The high driver will wait until it turns green

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

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What kind of ant can count?

An account*ant*.

What kind of ant is good at maths ?

An accountant !

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What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

What does $50 get you at the Chanel store?

13 seconds of eye contact.