When do accountants laugh out loud?

When somebody asks for a raise

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What happens when an egg laughs?

He cracks up

Why do I not laugh at your jokes anymore?

Because I've "reddit" before

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What did the Jamaican man say when asked why he didn't mind going to jail for stealing the Pikachu card?

I love the pokey, mon.

Why would you ask me for directions?

You just saw me walk into a closed door.

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How many of you believe in psychokinesis?

Raise my hand. - Taken from local Chinese joint fortune cookie.

What did the orphan poker player say?

Will you raise me?

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What do you call somebody who is content being average sized?

A happy medium.

How do you now when somebody is retarded on Facebook?

Well, its complicated.

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Why did the accountant cross the road?

Because that's what they did last year.

What did the accountant with constipation do?

He worked is out with a pencil.