What happened to the minter who went crazy?

He stopped making cents.

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What happened when the carrot died?

There was a huge turnip at the funeral.

What happened when the man lost his suspenders?

He became one of those For Whom the Belt Holds

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How do you stop a charging bull?

Take away its credit card!*** wa-waa-waaaa! Skip

What did the police officer say to stop the depressed man from jumping off the bridge?

You have potential. Sorry if this is a repost, just thought of it now.

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How much did the critic tip the waiter?

Two cents

Which president was least guilty?

Lincoln, because he is in a cent.