What happens if you cut off your left hand?

You would be all right.

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What happens when the lights go out in a Chinese restaurant?

It'll Dimsum.

What happened to the pie dish that got arrested?

He was foiled.

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How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None the keyboardist can do it with his left hand.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The piano player can do that with his left hand.

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What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.

What is the definition of a Barbarian?

It's someone who cuts hair in a library.