What is simultaneously the best and sh*ttiest way to start your day?

Pooping

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Start Jokes More Start Jokes

Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

How does a musician make a million dollars?

They start with 2 million.

Day Jokes More Day Jokes

What you gonna do on St. Valentine's day?

What day is it " "Friday." "Shepherd's Pie."

Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?

Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.

Poope Jokes More Poope Jokes

What did the French guy say when a bird pooped on him?

I have Grey Poupon me

How do you get out of an elephant?

Q: How do you get out of an elephant A: Turn around and around until you get all pooped out. (5 yo humor never gets old)