What is the best way to get to Paradise?

A. Turn right and go straight.

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How do you know when you're turning 40?

When your candy jar is filled with Tums..... My wife just came up with that one... Birthday is next week.. Ugh

What's the difference between my ex and my toaster?

It only takes 120 volts to turn on my toaster.

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Why is heaven a paradise for the common man?

Because all the politicians are in hell.

Why is Yahtzee better than the Bahamas?

Because it's more than a paradise.

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What is the best way to determine if someone is ticklish?

Give them a "test tickle."

What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

On the front page of reddit.