What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?

Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

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What's the difference between me and Jimmy Kimmel?

I can make it to the end of a Jimmy Kimmel joke without laughing.

What's the difference between an elected official and a piece of garbage?

Garbage gets thrown out.

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What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes?

Nothing.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking

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What do you get when you cross a millipede with a parrot?

A Walkie Talkie

What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot?

A: A walkie-talkie.