Who wants to hear an appendectomy joke?

Removed

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Why did the black man wear a suit to his vasectomy?

If he was going to be Impotent he wanted to look impotent. (important)

How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's

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What's a Chinese woman called with one leg shorter than the other?

Irene. (Normally start this as a two part joke with, "What do you call a woman with... Ilene." Ha... But figured everyone had already heard that).

Why was the baguette excited for his audition?

He heard he might be playing a big roll

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What did the verb say when the words have, has, and had were removed from the English language?

A: "Nobody's perfect!"

Why don't you want to win an award for Best Feline Sphincter?

Because it's a catastrophe :-) Yeah, ok, I'll be going now. EDIT: removed explanation.