How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's

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Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

What did the diver say to the oyster?

I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!

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What's happened to this one?

I don't know two minutes ago he seemed normal and then he fainted.

What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?

My girlfriend knows about my wife.

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails?

A: Replace the nails with screws.

How many Karma whores does it take to screw on a lightbulb?

When this reaches 500 upvotes I'll tell you.

Light Bulb Jokes More Light Bulb Jokes

How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

How many existentialists does it take to change a light-bulb?

Two, one to change the light-bulb, and one to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness. This is courtesy of Spencer Reid.(CM)

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What don't homeless people get?

Knock knock jokes

How would you describe a joke about bones?

Humerus.97

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How can I help you today, Mr Simpson?

BART: I don't know where my hair starts

What would George Washington do if he was alive today?

Probably get suffocated in his collapsed coffin

Paranoid Jokes More Paranoid Jokes

How many paranoids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Who wants to know? .... saw this joke in today's

What do you call a skydiving tonsil who's afraid that something bad might happen?

Paranoid!