Why did Jon Snow need a new battery?

For the watch.

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Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

Why can't women explain feminism to men?

Because they need a man to do it for them

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Why did the crowd watch the man futily attempt to blend oil and water for hours on end?

It was unmiscible.

Why did the kid throw the watch out the window?

So time would fly.

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Why did Jon Snow wait in line at the Apple store ?

For the watch .

Why did Jon Snow buy an athletic cup?

For the crotch.