Why do laxatives always say 'Works gently, overnight'?

What if I want something that works violently right now "

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Why did the hipster decide to drown himself in the tributary?

He didn't want to be mainstream.

Why did Julius Caesar want to quit politics?

All that backstabbing was too much for him.

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Why did the otter want to work at NASA?

So he could go to Otter Space.

How do rabbits get to work?

By rabbit transit!

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What happened to the Marine that took a laxative?

He was relieved of doodie.

How do you get money out of a piggy bank?

Feed it laxatives.