Why do they say cleanliness is next to godliness?

Because every time i talk dirty to my wife she tells me to go to hell.

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Wife Jokes More Wife Jokes

How do you tell who loves you more. Your wife or your dog?

Put both of them in the trunk of your car...drive around...open the trunk and see who is happy to see you.

What did the pig say when his wife left him?

Don't go bacon my heart"

Talk Jokes More Talk Jokes

What do you get when a deaf guy tries to talk to you at a urinal?

Wet

What do you mean he's your half son?

What do you mean what do I mean?" replied the man. He went on to explain "My son has half my genes, that makes him my half-son." The woman he was talking to decided he was crazy and without replying walked past him. She looked back and noticed his neck was red, after all it was a sunny day.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

How many times do I have to tell you this Mom?

I have thousands of fans who need to know my thoughts. So, no I can't take out the garbage.

How can you tell if a clock is hungry?

It goes back for seconds

Hell Jokes More Hell Jokes

What the hell is this REstraining Order?

I never even got a Straining Order I'm gonna go over to her house and sort this out.

What's a three letter word for Hell?

DMV.