How did Christopher Columbus find India?

He used Apple Maps.

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Why could the witch never get the enchantments right?

She forgot to use Spell Check.

Which part of a billiards setup can you use to clean your ears?

The cue tip.

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How did you find the fleas?

Beagle: I didn't! They found me!

What did Bruce Willis find in the freezer at the morgue?

OC Icy dead people!

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What is the difference between St. Patrick and Christopher Columbus?

One drove all the snakes from Ireland, the other drove away all of the Native Americans.

How did Christopher Columbus 'discover' America?

By occident

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What did the kid say to his mother right before he went to India?

Mumbai

How many Americans does it take to screw a lightbulb?

None. Their President outsources the job to India.