How did the farmer find his girlfriend?

He tractor!

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Why could the crab not find a pair of shoes in his size?

Child labor laws forced all the shoe factories to shut down.

Why did the oven go back to University?

To get another degree. My sister thought it up and found it so funny she called to tell me.

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When is a farmer like a magician?

A: When he turns his cow to pasture.

How did the farmer figure out how much milk he had?

He used cowculus!

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How does a tractor break up with its boyfriend?

With a John Deere letter.

What do you call a person who loved tractors but doesn't any more?

An extractor fan

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What did Santa say when he saw your mom, sister, and girlfriend all together in the same room?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Why do you want to learn jujitsu?

Person 1: To defend myself. Person 2: Discipline. Me: My girlfriend keeps stealing my fries.