How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

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Poop Jokes More Poop Jokes

Why couldn't the poop get flushed down the drain?

Because it was deterred.

What do you call a guy who can't poop?

A constipatient

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

Why do we call it toilet paper?

Does anyone wipe their toilet with it

Why do people point at their wrist when asking for the time?

Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What spends a good 3 hours a day in my hand?

hint* it starts with P and ends with S. Pens! :D ... wait what were YOU THINKING ! ! !

What's the worst thing to hear during a prostate exam?

Look! No hands!

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

What does a 500 pound parakeet say?

TWEET!!!

What's it like to tweet "My cat sneezed" and get 500 RT in the first minute ?

My cat would be dead before I got 50