How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

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Poop Jokes More Poop Jokes

What's the difference between a bucket of poop and a lawyer?

A bucket.

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

Toilet Jokes More Toilet Jokes

Why was tigger looking down the toilet?

Because he was looking for Pooh!

Where does Sean Connery sit?

In the toilet.

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

What do you have if you have one fuzzy, green ball in one hand and another fuzzy, green ball in the other hand?

Kermit the Frog's undivided attention.

What's blue, small and sits in a corner?

A baby with its hand in the power socket.

Tweet Jokes More Tweet Jokes

How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?

Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets

What did Jesus say when he made his return?

Hey guys! What's goin on Tweet my return! #JesusReturns"