Poop Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What did one poop say to the other poop?

You smell

Why do bears poop in the woods?

So nobody will see their bare (bear) bottom!

What did the poop say to the pee when he was hitting on her?

I may be a two but your an eight..

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What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Why couldn't the poop get flushed down the drain?

Because it was deterred.

What did Captain Picard call his poop?

Captain's log

What does a witch take when she can't poop?

Hexlax

What did Noah do with all the poop?

Threw it overboard. it formed the UK. Taken from here:

Who's there? Orange. Orange who?

Orange you glad I painfully waited until I was done cooking your food to take a poop?

How bad is it to poop your pants?

It Depends

What do you give and take at the same time?

a poop

What's the difference between a bucket of poop and a lawyer?

A bucket.

Where were you supposed to poop?

2-year-old: The potty. Me: So why didn't you 2: I'm too busy.

How do you guys tweet from the toilet?

I poop with both hands.

What do you call a notebook where you record information about your poops?

Some people may call it a log journal, while others call it a diary-a.

How do you fail a urine test with a clean sample?

Poop in the specimen cup.

What is a small, one story home made of poop called?

A dungalow

What do you call it when your Stepmother poops?

A Step-Stool

What's brown and rhymes with poop?

Snoop Dogg

What is it called when a hacker poops?

Logging out

What does Hulk say when he poops?

IBM!

What's the first rule here, boys?

Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.

When you say you don't feel good "Are you pregnant?

people without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids

What do you call a sarcastic man who steps in poop?

Feces-tious

What do you call a poop that went to med school?

Dookie Howser

What do you say when a singer/songwriter poops on your car?

CELINE WUT R U DION

What if I have to poop?

D: Then you should go now. *awkward pause* "Thanks I feel better."

What does poop have in common with the Boston Rioters?

They're both revolting! *Baltimore. I clearly don't know my B-Cities.

When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up?

This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt.

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What two things look exactly the opposite but mean exactly the same?

9/11 and 11/9 - darkest days in American history

What was the last thing that went through the Sandy Hook child's mind?

A bullet. I apologize if that joke was aimed for a younger audience. I love Sandy Hook jokes, they never get old. Just like those children.

Month Jokes More Month Jokes

What are a gorilla's favorite months?

Ape-ril and Bananuary

Which is the month in which women talk the least?

February... because it has the least number of days

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti?

The recipe told her to mints her garlic.

What did the groundhog's trainer tell him before the Olympics?

Gopher gold.

Write Jokes More Write Jokes

What was the deal with that dude wearing a tie and an apron at brunch?

He kept writing down everything we said, he gave me the crepes.

What's the difference between hiring a team to write your jokes, and the team of joke writers itself?

One's a cunning plan, the others a punning clan.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What do you call a kid with one arm and three legs?

Unfortunate.

How do they pick kids for the Make-A-Wish Foundation?

Natural selection.

Side Jokes More Side Jokes

How do you keep a blonde busy?

Write "Please turn over" on both sides of a page and hand it to her.

Why did Sweden start painting barcodes on the sides of their battleships?

So they could Scandinavian.

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

Why did the wheelchair-bound girlfriend break up with her boyfriend?

He kept pushing her around.

How do you stop a French tank?

A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it!

Conversation Jokes More Conversation Jokes

What do you call a group of scientists discussing different ways to recycle power?

A conversation of energy.

What does Facebook and a conversation between two teenagers have in common?

A lot of likes